The Naming of Rats*

A verse in honour of our beloved companions

By the Ratlist

If you'd like to contribute a rattie photograph for illustrating any of this poem, please email it to me, and let me know how you'd like to be credited for the photo. I haven't tried to keep track of who wrote which verses...

So, what kind of rats are there?

Fat rats! Skinny rats!
Rats who climb on rocks!
Tough rats! Squishy rats!
Even rats with little spots!

Rats that poo in boxes!
Rats that poo elsewhere!
Even the annoying ones
That raisin in my hair!

Rats that tinkle! Rats that spray!
Rats that dribble while they lay!
Rats that mark my hands and feet,
Rats that saturate my sheets!

Rats that munch on noodles
Or sushi! Or pate!
Rats that beg for yogies
A hundred times a day!

Rats who keep themselves pristine,
As if they have a date.
And then there are the squishy bucks
Who like to marinate.

Girls who tease with vibra ears
and waft the “eau de doe.”
Girls who race and stash and nest
and gleam from head to toe!

Some rats live in fish tanks
or in a Martin's cage.
Some chew holes in box springs
and hide in there for days!

What kind of rats are there you say?
I've got black and white and gray.
Champagne when I need a drink,
Chocolate, Cocoa, Dove and Mink.
English, Irish, Russian, Essex,
Heck, my Berkshire hails from Texas!

Where do we find rats, you may query?
Pet store rats with futures dreary
Rescue rats get a second chance
Pedigree rats from breeder's dance.
Where do we find them, you may ask?
Picking one's the hardest task!

* With apologies to Old Possum and T. S. Eliot, and to the Armour hot dog folks

Last Updated: 10 Apr 2006

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